A Due Diligence Report on Chef Anthony's Required Dinner (Findings: Inconclusive, Cage: Structural Integrity Compromised)
Peter Grant
The I'm Not Submissive Cave
I am not submissive. I am, however, a man who reads financial instruments, evaluates risk exposure, and assesses the terms of an arrangement before forming a conclusion — and Chef Anthony, Mansion Chef of Mistress Lynne's Lair, published what I can only describe as the most aggressively structured acquisition proposal I have encountered in fourteen months of residency in The I'm Not Submissive Cave. I read it twice. The first time as a professional exercise. The second time I am classifying as a follow-up review required by certain physiological indicators that I will not be elaborating on except to note that I paid ten thousand dollars to Harry the Handler while I was still on the second paragraph, which I have entered on the infraction log under the heading market volatility. The first course: linguine with Mistress Lynne's menstrual blood and fresh basil, priced at one hundred eighty-four thousand dollars per plate. I want to be precise about what happened to me when I read that number. I did not flinch. I am a man who has spent one hundred thirty-one million, seven hundred fifty thousand dollars since checking in, in pre-paid arrangements running four hundred thirty-five thousand dollars per day, and one hundred eighty-four thousand dollars is a Tuesday in here. What I noticed was the basil. The basil is the tell. A woman who adds basil to a hundred-and-eighty-four-thousand-dollar first course made from her own blood is not making a statement about excess. She is making a statement about the completely ordinary nature of her authority. The cage pressed against me through the entire reading with the focused certainty of a thing that knows something I am still pretending to be undecided about.
The second course is where this proposal moves from interesting to something I need to discuss in a separate document. Chef Anthony described the sounding procedure over the scallops — rods fitted inside each slave, the arousal channeled and served — tongues only, no hands — and what I found myself doing, sitting in the aubergine-walled silence of The I'm Not Submissive Cave, was running the logistics. This is what I do. I run logistics. I identify bottlenecks. I assess throughput. And the thing I kept arriving at is that the course is not fundamentally about the scallops. The scallops are incidental. The course is a demonstration that the kitchen has found a use for everything, including the interior architecture of the men at the table, which means Mistress Lynne sat across from Chef Anthony in this purple underground mansion at some point and said: I want them to understand that their arousal is an ingredient now, and he wrote it into the menu without blinking. The cage was making several arguments at this point. Loud ones. I paid another ten thousand to Harry in the corridor, which he accepted with the neutral affect of a man who has long since stopped keeping track of what specific content is responsible for what specific payment, and I returned to my chair and continued the review. The main course is a tenderloin served from a slave's living back while Mistress Lynne reaches into him from behind, gloved, commanding stillness while the rest of the table watches and the platter must not fall. I have assessed the structural requirements of that instruction and they are not complicated. They are simply absolute. The man either holds still or he does not, and every nerve in his body is screaming that he cannot, and Mistress Lynne's hand is inside him making the case that he will. The violet candlelight in the dining room down the corridor does not move. The dining room knows what it is. The man holding the platter finds out what he is. I have documented this observation for purposes of the due diligence report and I am continuing to the dessert course.
The dessert is nine men eating strawberries off the backs of two men with their tongues while three others are actively engaged with the tray-bearers from behind, orgasm denial enforced for any instability in the surface. That is the dessert. I have been in corporate boardrooms where the stakes were a great deal of money and no one's hands were anywhere near anyone else. I am trying to determine what category of financial instrument best captures a dinner arrangement where the dessert course requires both stillness and penetration simultaneously, and the closest I can get is a high-yield instrument where the penalty for volatility is immediate and structural. Chef Anthony built this menu the way a man builds a building: load-bearing at every level, no decorative elements, every course a room in a house that Mistress Lynne already owns. Here is the personal fantasy I am not having because I am not submissive and this is a due diligence report: I am at the table. Not as a tray. As the man who came to observe and is now seated and cannot quite account for when the shift happened. The first course arrives and I eat it because I am a man who evaluates what is in front of him before forming a position, and what is in front of me is one hundred eighty-four thousand dollars of something that came from her body and I eat it with the deliberate calm of a man who made a professional decision. Then the sounding rod is inserted and I am required to stay seated while Chef Anthony plates the second course and the amethyst room watches and the cage is gone because I paid for the dinner and at this dinner the cage is the arrangement we started from, not where it ends. I eat the scallops. Tongues only. I do not drop the tray during dessert. I am the last man who does not drop the tray. I am sitting in The I'm Not Submissive Cave at eight in the morning having read Chef Anthony's post and I have not paid the million dollars and the cage is steel and very present and I have, at this point, paid thirty thousand dollars in infraction tips since waking up, which I have filed under: ongoing review, findings pending. I am not submissive. The due diligence report is ongoing. The cage disagrees with several of its conclusions and we are in negotiation.
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